I have to do dishes today….but I don’t wanna.

I have to do some laundry and pay some bills….but I don’t wanna. 

I have to… I have to… I have to….

I even say that about my artwork sometimes. I have to do this or that. Finish a commission. Start a new idea….but yeah, you guessed it. 

So what to do?

Sometimes I do those things anyway.  I tell my kids all the time… welcome to adulting… doing things you don’t really want to do… but you do them anyway.  And you do them the right way.  No sense washing half a plate and sticking it back in the cupboard with fried eggs sticking to one side of it.

When I tell people I am an artist I often get the reaction- “That is so cool! You don’t have to work.”

Ha ha.  That’s funny. 

I do think of what I do as work, but I also think of it as just my life.  And somedays I want a personal day or a sick day or have someone else clean up or start projects for me.  No luck.  Its just me.  So some days I want to be a toddler and throw a fit and I WANT to be put in time-out. No such luck. 

So I do the normal things to try to get back on track-  clean the studio,  listen to upbeat music, take a sketch book outside, etc, etc… Right now I am outside in the sun writing this blog. Mainly because it is nice and 70 degrees today, and also mainly because I don’t wanna do it. So yes, sometimes I don’t wanna write anything, and I don’t want to paint.  Then this little voice in my head pipes up and says, “What if you don’t want to ever again?” What if you are tapped out?  What if your best stuff is behind you?”

It’s a sad little voice. And I try not to listen too hard because I know from experience my mood will soon change and I will be gung-ho to create, to clean and to start again. And then nothing will stop me from getting in front of the easel. 

But today, I don’t wanna.   

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